Learn to Handle Jealousy
When somebody asked how to handle jealousy, we suggested that they start by looking at why they set up a jealousy situation in the first place. In other words, what is the payoff?
Are they using jealousy scenes to beat themselves up? Why do they want misery in their lives? If you find that another person is involved with the one you love, ask yourself these questions:
- Did I attract this situation to prove I wasn’t good enough?
- Does the other woman represent my sister who got more of my father’s love?
- Does the other man represent my brother who got more of my mother’s love?
- Was my relationship getting too good and too close, so that I had to destroy it?
- Was I getting more love than I thought I deserved, so that I had to get rid of it?
- Am I addicted to pain, and do I secretly love it?
- Do I think misery is the natural state?
- Am I hooked on drama instead of peace?
- Am I trying to prove that others are out to get me?
- Do I think that I can never trust a man (or woman), and this proves it?
- Do I think I can’t get what I want?
- Do I think life is a rip-off, and this proves it?
- Do I think I can’t keep what I want?
- Am I using this mess so that I have an excuse to get rid of my partner?
- Do I love to punish myself with this because I have guilt about something?
- Do I secretly want to have other partners myself, and am I lying to myself?
- Am I trying to get rid of my partner?
Don’t Blame Others
Do you begin to see why you can’t blame others for your jealousy? You created this mess! You wanted it to prove something; you wanted to prove that your negative beliefs were right. Remember: What you believe to be true, you create.
When you find a person you like, explore all the feelings and beliefs you both have about relationships and then agree on the form that best suits you both. If you continue to work at mastering the suggestions in this chapter, one day you will have either:
- A monogamous relationship in which neither of you sets up jealousy situations, or
- An open relationship that you can handle easily without any jealousy, or
- Some other arrangement that is a total WIN for you.
If there is one thing I have learned well is this: There are no shoulds; there are no supposed tos.
You don’t have to have relationships one way or another. You don’t have to be married to be OK. Just because someone else is married or in a big relationship does not make them any better than you or any worse. Just because your relationship changes does not mean life does not work for you. You always get what you need.
Some periods in your life you might need to be alone and that is the healthiest thing. Some periods in your life you may need to have many relationships in order to get many lessons. In some period of your life, marriage might teach you the most. You will always set it up so that you get the lessons that are important for you. You will naturally create situations that will heal you the fastest and help you to give up the ego. We have all kinds of relationships going on in the universe; they are all healing and one form is no better than another.